6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
