I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
