I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
