Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
