My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
