After last night, I could never be a politician.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
