I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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