there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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