im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
