WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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