Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
