kristin has been a bad kristin
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
