i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
