Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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