Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
