Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
