What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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