I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
