im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
