my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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