i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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