And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
