Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
