i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
