I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
