What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
