Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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