imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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