this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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