bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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