about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
