I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
