im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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