Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
