belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
