if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
