"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
