Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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