That's intense
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
