Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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