Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
