whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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