Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
