i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
