So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
