the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
