You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
