i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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