I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You need Xanax blowdarts
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
