She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
