She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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