How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
