you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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