you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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