apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
