i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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