u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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