wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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