I wish I could teleport
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
