Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize