I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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