she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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