May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
